Sometimes, Love Holds Back

“Sometimes, love holds back.”

The thought crossed my mind as I was reading the story of Jesus and Lazarus.

In John 11, two truths stand side by side and yet are so in contrast:

First, that Jesus loved Lazarus.

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5)

And second, that Jesus intentionally stayed where He was for two more days after hearing Lazarus was sick.

“So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days.” (John 11:6)

Love—and delay.

Affection—and restraint.

I am a Martha, a doer. I love with my hands, my hours, and my efforts. I clean the house so my family can rest comfortably when they get home after a long day. I sit in hospital rooms, caring for my family and sometimes even for the families of my friends. I drive for the people I love, even when exhaustion tugs at my bones. If you call me in times of need, I would drop whatever I am currently doing and do my best to be present, to be there. I have always gone beyond what is required because I want people to feel how deeply I care.

That is how I love—passionate, quick, present.

So this passage stopped me.

Because if I were Jesus, I would have gone immediately. I would have run to my friend’s side the moment I heard he was sick—especially knowing there was something I could do. Love, to me, moves fast. Love shows up early. Love intervenes.

But I am not Jesus. And maybe that is the point.

Because Jesus knows that sometimes, love holds back, not because love is weak, but because it is strong and grounded in purpose.

If Jesus had come running the moment He heard Lazarus was sick, Lazarus would have been healed before death ever touched him. Jesus would have been revealed as a healer. But because Jesus waited, He revealed something deeper: not only His power to raise the dead, but His willingness to enter grief. He wept. The Son of God stood before a tomb and allowed sorrow to mark Him. While Lazarus, Martha, and Mary gained a deeper revelation of Him.

Love did not rush. Love waited so resurrection could speak louder than relief.

That was when I realized this truth: sometimes, love holds back.

Maybe love does not always need to show up immediately. Maybe there is a better time to show up. Maybe it needs to anchor itself first in purpose, so that when it is finally released, it tells a truer, fuller, and more redemptive story.

So dear Lord, help me to hold myself back in love and find the purpose in this waiting.